OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize