sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
