I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
