You made me cry and you don't even care
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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