i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
