Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
