So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
