so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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