At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
