I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
