Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
