Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
