1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
