i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
