I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
