its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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