Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
