This dress was meant to end up on your floor
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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