I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
