Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
