I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
