Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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