Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
