I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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