Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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