My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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