dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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