i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
