I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Enjoy the penises
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize