I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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