so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
