so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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