I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
