Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
