Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
