I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The best revenge is premature balding
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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