So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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