Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
