I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
