It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize