Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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