Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
