i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
