Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Randomize
