According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
