I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
