apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
