Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I didn't notice because vodka
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
