having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
