She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
