More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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