my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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