so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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