I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
