need another drink. this is the easiest way
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
