You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
