things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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