you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize