Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
