The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My breasts were aching with rage.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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