I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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