I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We need to rekindle our bromance
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
