pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
