Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
