Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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