I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
