If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
