I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
