U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
