Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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