i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
