Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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