Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
