Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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