I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
