she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
