Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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