i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
