Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize