she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
