party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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