she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
