considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
