Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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