You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need water and some morals
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
