just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
