Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
