Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
