Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
