Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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