Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
