We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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