hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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