i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
