i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize