Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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